Considering my dad set me up with my current boy-mentch-friend, I thought it would be a good time to talk about set-ups. Deciding whether to set up two friends, although a mitzvah, is always a tough decision with minimal reward and possible risk to you. If you set up a friend with a cute guy you used to hook up with, the more likely they will be to set you up with a cute guy they used to hook up with. It's called sharing, and sharing is caring.
Your friends not jumping out of their seats to set you up? Ask! Either they don’t want to set you up, don’t know anyone, or didn’t know you’d be up for it. Don’t be afraid to ask your Jewish male friends either. Men are less likely to say out of the blue “yea, I have this cute smart friend, Jason. He’s a real catch.” See, kinda fruity. But even guys you don’t know that well may make an effort to help you out if you ask.
The Ms. Avi Recipe for Setting up Friends:
Step 1: E-mail the guy asking if he’d be interested in a set-up with a picture of the female attached. He’s more likely to say no (because men can sometimes be anti-setups), so ask him first. Wait for him to say either “hot” or “busted.” Most guys are not very discriminatory by picture, and will give it two Torahs up.
Step 2: E-mail the girl w/o pic. Wait for her approval, though you probably don’t need it because most Jewish girls are beyond ecstatic to be set up.
Step 3: Send her e-mail/phone to the guy. Do not send her him info! Make him call/e-mail her. Tell them to meet up for coffee/drink near HER. You don’t want to be held responsible for “it was the WORST 4-hr dinner of my life.”
Step 4: Pat yourself on the back, you’ve just done a mitzvah.
How to be set up:
So your friend from work, Lue-Ming, says she knows a guy who would be perfect for you. Or at least, you're Jewish, he's Jewish, and you're the only two Jews she knows. So therefore you must be perfect for each other. If mutual friend set you up, meet for coffee/drink (much like a first online date). Try to get Lue-Ming to show you a picture of the potential Yid, and have her show him a picture. That way, if you know you're not interested, you're not wasting anyone's time. Just go in hoping to make a new friend and nothing more. Don’t get your hopes up - you’ll probably have a miserable time anyway.
People often forget after a particularly horrible blind date to send Lue-Ming (or whichever Asian set you up) a thank you e-mail for attempting a mitzvah by setting you up. Your friend went out on a limb to set you up. If, by some strange monstrosity the date did work out, thank the friend...but don't give too many details or sound too giddy about the guy or else he/she will blab to the guy and say you called to say you’ve picked out the wedding dress. Regardless of whether the date was worse than that hour you spent watching "Glitter" before you turned it off or you're bursting at the seams with glee, your friend attempted a mitzvah (and possibly failed). Keep in mind that every time someone sets up friends, they take a risk with minimal potential reward (besides eating too many pastry puffs at their wedding someday) - so thank your friend for taking that risk.